How Jesus Moves Us Out of the Past and into His Love
So many times, I ask myself this question? Why me? What do I have to offer that not only glorifies Jesus, but helps someone else? I have heard someone once say, “Don’t ever look back at your past. Keep moving forward.” Really? How can you move forward if you can’t even get past your past? Anyone who has had to say goodbye to their child too soon, knows exactly why they want life to stop and stay right where they are. Confusion, sadness, anger, guilt; every emotion that grabs hold of your heart and rips it into tiny little pieces that can never be put back together again.
Empty Arms and an IV Pole
This is me. Nine years ago, all this “Child of God” wanted to do was lock the door and sink deeper into despair. I felt like Jesus had slipped off to go bless someone else, and left me there to die. How can a God who knew my heart’s desire to have a daughter take her home so shortly after her birth? I remember that day like it was yesterday. I desperately wanted to be like all the other mothers holding their babies and full of joy. Instead, all I had to show were empty arms and an IV pole attached to my arm because of complications. There is no greater pain, than knowing for the rest of your life, a child that you carried or gave birth to has died. Yes, I know she is with Jesus. Yes, I know I have other children. Yes, I know she could have had health problems, but she was mine, and I wanted to be her mommy here on this earth.
Pain is Real and Deep
The pain is real and deep. I know. But how was I going to get out of the past and move forward? The answer is Jesus. God loves you and wants to heal your broken heart. Grieving takes time. For one individual, it can take months. Mine took years. Nine years of asking God, why? Only Jesus knew the answer, and I had to trust Him enough to release me from the past and get me to a place of surrender.
During many uncertain times, I would:
- Close my eyes.
- Picture Him with opened arms.
- Climb up into his lap like a little girl.
- Get as close to Jesus as I possibly could.
- Rest my head on His heart.
With Jesus, I felt safe and loved. When I had nothing to give, and all my strength was gone, He was able to fill my soul with His love and strength and move me to walk by FAITH, and not by sight. I had to let go, and let God.
Moving Forward
How can you offer help to someone if you have never experienced a deep despair? Whether it is a loss of a child, loss of a job, cancer, a sick child; the list can go on and on. How we move forward and get past the hurt can only be found in Jesus.
If I had not looked back to revisit my past, I would have missed the beautiful story that He continues to write in my life today.
My fear turned to faith, the uncertainty turned to hope, and my pain turned to love because “God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” (2 Timothy 1:7 ESV).
I had nothing to give, but He did, and He can do the same for you if you let Him.
It is my prayer that you allow Jesus to cradle you in His arms, and know; as He cradles you in one hand, He’s holding your precious child in the other.
“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you.” Jeremiah 1:5 (NIV)
Joyously in Jesus, Kerri 🙂